A friend posted this article, "Why You're Not Married, by Tracy McMillan on Facebook yesterday and a bit of debate ensued about it in the comment section.
I love this article. As an unmarried woman, I think Tracy is right on. The article is directed at a certain subset of the population wondering why they're not married and is obviously using extremes to make the point and probably to get published. But I think she's right. As I said in my too long comment on a friend's FB wall, there could be plenty of companion pieces written to other common questions and scenarios. "Why You're in a Crappy Marriage." "Why You Never Go 3 Seconds Without Being in a Relationship." "Why You Don't Have Any Female Friends." And then a whole host of articles for the gentleman. "Why You Keep Dating Women You Don't Really Even Like That Much." "Why You Will Never Come Out of the Closet and Instead You Will Continue to Waste Women's Time in Totally Unfulfilling Relationships."
I don't really wonder why I'm not married. I'm pretty sure I get it. To use Tracy's terms, I'm a selfish, bitch. Actually more selfish, than a bitch. I really love my life and it's going to take a super awesome fella to make me want to prioritize him in my life. I have been known to a be a liar in the past, but I think I'm over that. The liar thing is an EPIDEMIC though. SO many women I know have done/are doing this. Guys...news flash...you didn't luck out and meet the one woman who's so cool with where you're at in life and is just fine seeing where it goes. Ask any of her gal pals and they will know the names of your future children (obviously never to actually be born because at some point when she has a weak moment and actually admits how in love with you she is, you will get quiet and say "I don't know what to say" and she will start sobbing and after months of pointless discussions, she will force you to end it and you will start dating that chick you'd been fantasizing about for a while). I'M NOT EVEN KIDDING. I wish I was kidding. We've actually looked at her wedding dress online. Her wedding dress for when she marries YOU.
The other day I had a funny little guy-related scenario ensue and a close friend of mine said, "Now THAT is even ridiculous for one of OUR storyboards." One of our storyboards. Right. Because we ALWAYS have storyboards! Cause we're ladies!
I have disappointed more than one man when it becomes painfully obvious that I am actually a woman. If in the beginning he says anything remotely close to, "Wow...it's so easy to date you. You're so easygoing. It's like hanging out with my guy friends." I know that's trouble waiting to happen. Oh, of course...I'm just like your guy friends except my hair smells like coconut and I have girl parts. This thought of his is quickly dashed the moment he says something kinda sorta maybe that I could possibly take the wrong way and I start to cry. Dude...don't like it? Give your buddy some Aveda shampoo and some implants and DATE HIM. Now if you'll excuse me my friends and I have to figure out the details of where you and I will be honeymooning. These storyboards don't write themselves, asshole!
Sheesh.
Yup...pretty clear on why I'm not married.
Thanks, Tracy McMillan. You gave me a lot to think about.
The funny thing is, as you get older you may find that it's the MEN who are desperate to be married (who can blame them? I need a wife too). Older single women (not naming names here) often feel as though it's better to be alone than wish you were. I haven't read the article yet but you've piqued my interest (or, in interweb-speak, "you've peaked my interest").
ReplyDeleteWell said Mary, and I love all of your companion pieces.
ReplyDeleteI was engaged at 22 and broke it off so that I could have a life beyond being a young housewife and mom (and moved to Chicago as a result, the rest is history, blah blah blah) and to this day when people nag me about getting married - which happens a LOT when you're in a long-term relationship and approaching 30 - I just remind myself that I'd rather be unmarried than divorced, which I surely would be. Not to say that I don't want to get married and have kids someday, but I wanted to be selfish and have my own life first.
This just made my morning! There is nothing wrong with being a lil selfish. 'Cause if the guy can't keep up, he shouldn't step up.
ReplyDeleteI just read the article. I'm going to need to reread. Possibly multiple times. Very thought provoking. In fact, I think this is material to take to therapy. That being said... I'd rather be alone and lonely than lonely and with someone. Thanks, Mare. ;)
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