The other day I was informed that Marcia, an old gal I knew when I worked in Boston, just celebrated her 99th birthday. This made my day. Marcia is one of the sweetest people to walk the earth. The organization I work for has vacation sessions for elderly. Many of the vacations take place at a beautiful, giant farmhouse located a couple hours outside of Chicago. Most of the elderly that attend vacations there are from Chicago but when there are spots open, people from other chapters are invited to go. Some spots were open and Marcia and I signed up. She was a mere 92 at the time.
Because Marcia is blind, and was 92, I tried to get seats at the front of the plane. The flight attendant said there was no way she could get us a seat up front. Thankfully, Marcia is the most easygoing gal I've ever met. We walked to our seat in Row 29, and by walk, I mean that I scrambled along backwards down the aisle while holding Marcia's hands and coaching her through it. "Doing great, Marcia! This is some adventure, huh!?"
Marcia said in her always chipper tone, "Oh my, Mary! AND HOW! We sure are going far! This is something else!"
We finally got settled in our seats and I wowed Marcia by showing her the headphones and the controls to switch the station. She was happily listening to a jazz station, when the flight attendant stopped at our row and said to me, "Oh, she's so sweet! Is that your mom?"
I stared at her, not knowing just how to respond. Not only was Marcia 65 years older than me, she's African American. Of course anything is possible but nothing about looking at the two of us should've led people to believe "mother-daughter combo." I just said, "Nope. Marcia is my pal!" I smiled and then screamed in Marcia's ear, "ENJOYING THE MUSIC?"
"Oh, and how, Mary! We are having quite a time, aren't we, Mary!?" The flight attendant looked completely confused.
Our vacation was fantastic. We met all sorts of nice folks, including the amazing duo of Alvin and Edward who were pretty much real-life versions of Statler and Waldorf from the Muppets. Alvin had some digestion issues, so he was frequently demanding more "thickener" for his drinks. Edward, who was all business, liked to give Alvin crap for this. I ate lunch with them one afternoon and they got into one of their usual thickener arguments. Then, out of nowhere, Alvin said, "Did you know that Edward says he can have sex without Viagra!?"
Edward: I CAN!!!
Alvin: I don't believe it!
Me: Do you have enough thickener, Alvin?
Alvin: NO! Would you get me some more?!
Me: Of course!
Then we had Frank. Frank had been married about five times and was the true ladies man. One day I walked passed Frank's room and heard, "Hey...Mary...can you help me with something?"
I popped my head in the doorway. "Sure, Frank. What's up?"
"My shoulder is killing me. Can you put this stuff on it? I can't reach it."
"Sure, Frank."
I put a bit of the stuff my hand and quickly rubbed it into his shoulder.
Frank looked at me like I was insane. "Come on, Mary! Rub me like a woman rubs a man!"
"No Frank, I will not "rub you like a woman rubs a man." Ya know, you are the poster boy for dirty old man."
"Damn! I'd hate to be your boyfriend. Always sayin no!"
Later that day, Frank and I were washing dishes together and he continued to give me crap about how I didn't rub in the muscle relaxer right. I started singing to the tune of "Old Man River."
Old Man Frank
He's a dirty old man
Always saying something disgusting
Never shuts the hell up
Frank walked out of the room and came back a few minutes later with a pen and paper. "Write that down for me. My nurse is gonna love it!"
Along with a shopping outing to Wallmart and a day trip to the Casino Boat, there was a lot of walks around the beautiful property, conversations on the porch, and of course, Bingo. I volunteered to call the numbers one night and had no idea what I got myself into. In order to accomodate French-speaking Jacqueline, I used my high school French to call them in English and French. This created quite a controversy. Francis yelled, "What the hell is she saying?!"
I repeated myself. "Bey...Quatre...that's B4."
Francis: "WHAT?!"
Jacqueline smiled and nodded. While calling numbers, I was helping Marcia fill in her card. "How we doin, Mary!? Do we have anything yet?!" You'd think a blind woman wouldn't really care for Bingo but leave it to Marcia to have a grand 'ol time with it.
One night after dinner we had a talent show. The talent ranged from Alvin's scratchy-voiced rendition of "You Are My Sunshine" to Maria coming downstairs in a long t-shirt with a picture of a nightie on it, and then doing a sexy dance. I asked Marcia if she wanted to participate in the talent show and she said, "Oh, of course I would!" I led her over to the piano and she sat down with the usual smile plastered on her face. Everyone was ready to condescendingly appreciate her "talent." Then she quickly tickled those ivories into submission and crooned her way into everyone's hearts. What started out as one song for the talent show turned into a full-on Marcia-led sing-along. It was one old-timey hit after the other. We took breaks only to refill our wine glasses and get more snacks. It was honest to goodness fun.
So a happy 99th birthday to my good pal Marcia. Here's to at least one more! Marcia can break 100, I just know it!
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