Pen Pals

Two posts in a week. What has gotten into me?

Welp...there are a few things that are making me want to write today. First of all, it’s 10pm in late October and I have the window open and the fresh air is autumn-rific. I’m an old lady that needs my sleep but why not stay up a bit longer writing and taking in this perfect Sunday evening.

What to write about? Well, speaking of writing, I had my first exchange with the death row pen pal I was assigned. Methinks this will be an intense experience. Hopefully it’ll be intense in a good way that’s rewarding for both of us. Shortly after Troy Davis was put to death someone posted on a list serve I’m on, talking about how she was set up with a pen pal who is on death row and the organization she did this through was looking for more pen pals. Troy Davis’ death really struck me. I wanted to do something. I saw someone on Facebook write about how awful the death penalty is and “besides it’s much worse punishment to have to suffer for a lifetime in prison.” I couldn’t stop thinking about this. Is that the goal? Find a system in which people can suffer the most? Is this person against the death penalty because it’s not barbaric enough? I’m very much opposed to the death penalty but I’m also not for a system in which people just spend their lifetimes rotting away in prisons. I don’t know what the right answers are and I know that there may be no chance for rehabilitation for some people. The people who were recently arrested for kidnapping people with mental illness and chaining them up in a dungeon so they could steal their SSI checks…well, I’m hoping they don’t get out of prison any time soon. Part of me wants them to be chained up and left for dead and be forced to eat shitty food out of dog bowls just like they made their victims do. Another part of me...just doesn’t know what the hell to think.

Yesterday I received an envelope from the organization that set me up with my pen pal. In it were two letters from a guy that’s been on death row for more than 20 years. The letters are filled with friendly chit chat, appreciation in advance for anyone willing to write to someone in his situation, info about some of his interests and the usual get to know you pleasantries. I read the letters again and again and again. I googled him and read all about his crime. This is no Troy Davis scenario. This guy seems to clearly be guilty as charged.

I walked over to Welles Park, sat on a park bench and took out my little journal with the hearts on it that I got for a quarter at the Sweet Adeline’s rummage sale. I cracked it open and stared at the blank page for a while. I thought about this guy and his life and wondered how he grew up and what drove him to commit that crime and I thought about good versus evil and forgiveness and redemption and justice and retaliation and I thought about the victim and the family of the victim and I thought about “Dead Man Walking” and Sr. Helen Prejean and I wondered if he was getting into terrifying fights and was a part of prison gangs like I’ve seen on “Oz” and “Locked Up.” Then I wrote him a letter and talked about books and art and music and asked him dorky questions about his interests and told him about the book I’m reading. To paraphrase a friend who I was discussing this with, “The three things you shouldn’t discuss in polite conversation: religion, politics and murder convictions.”

As I lit a candle for him and his victim at church tonight, it struck me more than usual that I have no clue what I’m doing with my life. Some chick from Jersey, raised Catholic, is in a tiny Methodist church in Chicago lighting candles for her new murderer pen pal and the person he killed 25 years ago. How did I get to this place in life? A place where despite the usual level of life bullshit, I’m very happy and content and grateful. As these thoughts ran through my mind, they were suddenly overcome by the stronger thought that there was pumpkin chocolate chip bread awaiting me at the post-service shin-dig in the gallery.

So about that book I’m reading... it’s called “Born to Run” and even though it has nothing to do with Springsteen, I love it anyway. I won’t bore anyone with a summary you can read at this Amazon link. I’ll just say that it’s made me think about why I enjoy distance running and it’s made me particularly grateful for my health and my ability to chug along for miles, even if it’s extremely slowly. I’m not planning to do any ultra marathons but reading this made me realize that I get a lot more from running than I sometimes give it credit for. Also, I now have half a mind to buy those ridiculously stupid looking Vibram Five Fingers.

I need to go to bed. Alarm is set early so I can go for a run before work.