No Train, No Gain

Countown to the New Brown is the Chicago Transit Authority's slogan for the revamping of the Brown Line. I don't know if I've ever been so scheeved by a slogan before.

Last night, on my way home from work, I sat wondering why I like the Brown Line so much. Is it the voyeurism? I do enjoy seeing what people are reading. For example, I've never read anything by Jodi Picoult but she seems to be a big hit among women who flat iron their hair. Last night's readers also included a tall lanky dude in well-pressed pants reading "The Sun Also Rises" and a hipster gal with a dagger tattooed on her arm reading "Naked" by David Sedaris. I pulled out "Eat, Pray, Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert. That pretty much says, "Hi, I'm single in my 30s and looking to feel good about it." (Mini review: Interesting read but Liz is a tad too self-absorbed for my taste. She says while writing on her blog about herself).

Back to the train gang (eee-yang-eee-yang)... If there's not already, there should be a website, "Crazy Shit I saw on the train today." The other day I stared at a dude's tattoo for at least 7 minutes. I've seen this guy before. He's a tall skinny white dude who I see running along the lakefront sometimes. He's got a tattoo on his inner forearm of scrabble letters spelling out TUPAC. What on earth is the story there? I mean, it's only a 9 point word. If you're gonna put a scrabble word on your arm, at least go with something like QUIXOTRY. And sweet Jesus, generic preppy white boy, please don't tell me your Tupac tattoo is serious. That's almost as bad as the guy I saw at North Avenue beach with a giant tattoo of Che Guevara on his back.

This week's fellow train riders also included this crazy bitch that brought her bike on during rush hour. That's always a hit among all the riders. Who doesn't love a stranger's bike wheel jamming into their calf at the end of a long day? Just in case she wasn't making enough of a spectacle of herself, she got on her phone and this is what we all heard, loudly:

NO SHIT! You were pulled over!? Did they take your car??! Did they impound it?! How drunk were you!? HOLY SHIT, MAN..that is way over the legal limit!!! (hysterical laughter that continued even after she got off the phone).

There really is nothing funnier than when your friend gets a DUI. Things that crack me up? Arrested Development, prat falls, and when my friend gets arrested for driving drunk. Wiping tears just thinking about it.

But it's crazy bitches like that that make me love the Brown Line. I guess when it comes to crazy bitches, it takes one to know one.