i apologize for being such a blogging slacker. i haven't had regular access to a computer so it's been difficult but that should change soon. anyway...let's focus on what's really important right now. the end of the greatest show ever, "six feet under." for those who haven't watched this show- get the dvds immediately and get to work. the series finale was by far the most satisfying series finale EVER. yes, that's right, even better than the final "dawson's creek." (but, go watch that too, because the final creek was GOOD.)
so...the final episode...i thought the final montage was so beautiful and extremely satisfying. afterwards i said to seth, with a smile and tears streaming down my face, "that was so awesome...because everyone we know will die!" he looked a little scared of me. but really now. in some ways it seemed so crazy to watch each character die, but it's a given that they will. that is what i love about that show- their ability to show the absurdity, sometimes humor and often sadness in death and greiving. but most importantly, they show the inevitability of death. i was left morbidly picturing what the death montage of my family and friends would be. yup...it may've included you! were you the one gasping for air in a hospital bed or being run over by a train...it's your guess! see what fun this is!
the night after i watched this episode i had a strange dream. i was in my parent's house- well, the location was the same but the house was very different. there were a lot of people there and there was a collective feeling of uneasiness and impending trouble. i was taking care of a baby that was dying. i looked up and then looked back down and the baby was a pile of dry sticks. i kept pouring water on the sticks trying to bring them back to life and suddenly it was back to being a baby girl again. someone burst into the house and we all ran out. i ran down the street and there was a big abandoned house- much like the fisher's house on "six feet under." ruth fisher was next to me and we agreed to seek shelter in the house. it was me, clare, ruth, my mom and the baby. i was excited to fix up the house and raise the baby with those three women. i woke up feeling hopeful and peaceful.
back to reality (or the reality of television fiction). the dream is fairly obvious to interpret because i really connected with the scenes between clare and her mom. i was a bawling mess during most of them. clare, standing in front of the house, was reluctant to leave the only home she'd known and start over someplace where she knew no one. that was me before i moved to montana, and again when i moved to san francisco. my mom was ruth. she was being strong and supportive and told me that i was doing the right thing and should always follow my dreams and do what makes me happy. the conversation ruth had with brenda about the loneliness of motherhood killed me too. i remembered my mother and i sitting next to each other on the couch right after we got into a bad argument. we sat with tears streaming down our faces, apologizing to each other profusely. my mom said, "you'll really never know how much i love you. sometimes motherhood is so lonely because no one can truly understand the love a mother has for her child." i, of course, sobbed. sometimes i get a glimpse of just how much my mother loves me and it's almost too much to handle.
one of my favorite moments of the episode was when ruth asked david if he wanted his cereal in the yellow bowl. it's amazing how life often seems so complicated and people are rushing around to try to seek happiness, but happiness and comfort often come down to eating your cereal from your favorite yellow bowl. it was an incredible moment showing how simple things often invoke so many memories. i recently got a muppets glass that was part of a mcdonald's campaign about 20 years ago. a couple weeks ago i was standing in front of my sink, staring at the glass, and having a flashback to being 9 years old. i was wearing my red and white stripe footy pajamas and drinking my "before bed" glass of milk. it was a mild summer night so the back sliding door was open. it smelled like a combination of green peppers, coffee and freshly cut grass. my dad was watching "the tonight show" and johnny carson's monologue was being drowned out by the sound of cicadas in the backyard. my mom was reading the paper. my brothers were out with friends and/or away at college and i was left with a lot of time to wonder about the details of each of their lives. i'm not sure if i knew it, but i was happy. all this from a muppets glass.
needless to say, that show really left me thinking.
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